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Cellphones have to have a forum of their own

Moderated by: David Harcourt

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David Harcourt
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Joined:	12 Jul 2006
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Posted: 20 Oct 2008 09:12 pm

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Nearly two and a half years half passed since I raised this topic here, and I am still completely mystified by cellphones.

Just now a couple entered my antique/bookshop in Thorndon. They approached a single man who was looking at a book. Cries of joyous recognition broke out. All three were in their forties, I guess, and apparently - their conversation suggested this - hadn't seen each other for a decade or more. Loud and animated conversation broke out. This was distracting, but welcome just the same: I like the shop to be used for one purpose or another. Helping me to pay the rent is best, of course, but renewing old acquaintances on a freezing day in Wellington is entirely acceptable.

This bonhomie continued for a few minutes until ... yes, a cellphone rang. The single man answered it and began a very loud conversation. (Why do people feel they need to shout into the telephone? Shouting at cellphones and their users I can completely understand - I often feel like doing this myself - but why shout into a cellphone? It can hear you, you know. But I digress... ) The couple turned away and began browsing among the merchandise about them. After a few minutes, when it had become clear that the cellphone conversation was going to continue for some time, they left the shop and disappeared into Molesworth Street.

I suppose it's possible that the cellphone conversation was a vital one:

* His child had had a serious accident at school. Would he come over quickly?

* His wife had been in a car accident. She had been admitted to [insert name of hospital here] ...

* The police have found the marijuana plantation at the back of the property. Flee!

But the conversation was a protracted one, conducted in a tone which led me to suspect that it could have been held at any time, and anywhere.

Or, better still, not at all.

So close friendships unexpectedly renewed after a decade or more of separation were abruptly severed once again, by a cellphone.

Oh my God, is that really the time?

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David Harcourt
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Joined:	12 Jul 2006
Location:
Posts:	1083

Posted: 20 Oct 2008 11:56 pm

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By my reckoning - and this is just a ballpark estimate, you understand - this makes the score:

Cellphones - 3490764679814759874874; human beings - 0

I can't understand why people submit themselves to this mechanical tyranny. My invaluable offsider, Selina, who is in her early twenties, says that she's now given up going to dinner with several of her friends because "all they do is sit there texting the whole time".

Is it too late to arrest this madness?

Is there someone out there who can invent a highly selective magnet which sucks the cellphones of the world (and, ideally, their manufacturers and purveyors) into a giant vortex (we'll need an inventor of that, too) which excretes these bloody things into a remote galaxy on the other side of the universe.

A Nobel Prize and the gratitude of a troubled world awaits this wonderful person, whoever she or he may be.

A warm welcome awaits all cellphones, cellphone manufacturers, and sellers of cellphones here:

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David Harcourt
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Joined:	12 Jul 2006
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Posts:	1083

Posted: 21 Oct 2008 12:38 am

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Cellphone etiquette: a very brief guide
for the socially responsible user

1 - Always leave your cellphone at home, in a bucket of water. The water need not be clean. In fact, the dirtier, the better. Your cellphone's performance will be improved by this treatment (i.e. it will no longer function).

2 - If your cellphone follows you out of the house and goes off/rings/throbs/sobs uncontrollably/whatever in a public place, place it in a bucket of water and forget where the bucket is.

3 - If you happen to be with someone who answers a cellphone during a conversation with you (or, worse, during a meal or other social engagement), put this person in a bucket of water. (If they are significantly bigger or smaller than you, making this course, respectively, very unwise or very unfair, walk away and don't come back. Your life will be enriched by the absence of this person.)

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